Our Stories

Some of these stories were previously printed in the OA Lifeline magazine.  Other stories are SO (SecularOvereaters) exclusives! Would you like to submit your story? Use the contact form, and we’ll get back to you.

OA Lifeline Stories

Overeaters Anonymous Lifeline magazine is now available at no cost, online. There is a search function for atheist/agnostic but the tags are sometimes “Chapter Four*” and can be misleading. All these stories are considered “approved-OA literature.”

*”Chapter Four” in the Big Book is called “We Agnostics.” Spoiler alert: all the atheists and agnostics convert at the end.

Author Alan shares his non-theist interpretations of the 12 Steps.

Lifeline story link from October 2018: https://www.oalifeline.org/higher-power/the-power-is-oa/

Author April B shares her reluctance to attend OA meetings because she didn’t believe in God, and how she eventually found recovery.

OA Lifeline story link from March 2018: https://www.oalifeline.org/atheists-and-agnostics/living-instead/

Author Finley shares feeling alienated by the male and God references in OA, and how she found comfort at a secular meeting.

OA Lifeline story link from September 2020: https://www.oalifeline.org/atheists-and-agnostics/drifting-higher-power/

 

Author Jim D. shares an atheist/agnostic meeting preamble.

OA Lifeline story link from September 2020: http://www.oalifeline.org/atheists-and-agnostics/making-oa-accessible/

 

Author Mercy shares her experience as an agnostic member of OA and her adaptation of the Steps.

OA Lifeline story link from September 2020: https://www.oalifeline.org/atheists-and-agnostics/clear-intentions/

I’ve been an OA member for 28 years, much of it with a traditional concept of God. The last 5-6 years, my spiritual experience and beliefs have shifted. I consider myself an atheist and a Buddhist. I’ve had to rethink the spiritual basis of how I work my program.

God or Higher Power (HP) appears all through the 12 steps. While program literature often refers to HP rather than God, or to God as we understand him, the understanding is always of God as rather like a person, one who thinks, acts, and feels. We listen to God. God removes our shortcomings. God cares for us. God lets us know his will for us. If there is no such powerful person, how do I work the steps? To what am I turning over my life and my will? How are my shortcomings removed?

The transition was challenging.  I tried to define my higher power in a way that could be equivalent to God, but it didn’t work. Instead, I focused on the two main “roles of God” in the steps.

First, God is a source of wisdom. Instead of asking to know God’s will for me, I crowd-source wisdom. The OA 12 &12 cautions us to consult others before making big decisions, and suggests that HP speaks to us through other members. The meetings and program phone calls are a great fount of experience in what works and doesn’t work. We share with a generous honesty, and I am amazed at how answers come when I listen with an open mind. Some might say that God is sending me a message.

Second, God keeps us safe. He catches us when the bottom falls out. Not believing in a God that cares for me, what makes me feel safe now? My meditation practice allows me to notice the fear, the clinging, the demands, the control, and to notice them passing. In those moments, “there is fearlessness because there is nothing to be afraid of” (Venerable Ajahn Sumedho). As I experience the passing of fear over and over, I can trust that all is well, here, in this moment. I can stay abstinent here, in this moment. This, too, shall pass is my favorite slogan.

My power greater than myself is the power of love and truth. I experience that power when I let go of my conception of how things should be, my solutions, the roles I’ve learned. Yes, I pray, but not to a being. I say, May we be well and happy. May our deepest desires be satisfied. May we live in the moment at the center of love and truth, free of the bondage of self. May we have strength and wisdom to manage the challenges of life.

—Mindy L, Philadelphia, PA

Reprinted with permission of the author.

Author Steven H. writes about God as he does not understand Him.

OA Lifeline story link from December 2018: https://www.oalifeline.org/atheists-and-agnostics/feeling-supported/

Author Teresa D. shares her experience as an atheist member first coming into OA and being surrounded by God-talk, and then how she found a way to recover.

OA Lifeline story link from September 2020: https://www.oalifeline.org/atheists-and-agnostics/translation-for-the-newcomer/

 

An anonymous writer shares the dogma in OA and how they’ve rethought some of the Steps and Traditions.

OA Lifeline story link from September 2020: http://www.oalifeline.org/traditions/realigned-by-a-few-tenths/

— Anonymous

SecularOvereaters Stories

These stories were written by members of the OA secular community.

Twenty years ago while in the throes of food addiction and dysfunctional food behavior an acquaintance suggested I try a meeting that would change my life. I attended an OA meeting in Hawthorne, NJ USA. I was hopeful walking into this large firehouse and seeing at least 20 women of all ages smiling at me.

The meeting began and within the first few minutes I heard all about this male God who was going to save me. I listened and didn’t leave the meeting until the end. That was the start and end of OA for many years. I don’t believe in God and certainly wasn’t going to be able to mentally concoct one.

The OA Freethinkers meeting has given me a way to finally understand the depth of my powerlessness over food without searching for a magical solution. It has allowed me to be hopeful and understand that I am not alone in this insanity. I am hopeful for that I can live a healthier life with food.

—Debby K, Berkeley, CA USA
August 2019

The whole point of a 12-Step program is to be inclusive. We make a point of welcoming “diversity” when it comes to culture, ethnic and sexual orientation etc., and I believe it is equally important to welcome those with diverse religious backgrounds, including atheists. The strength of a secular meeting is that it proves that a compulsive overeater can still find recovery without using the word “god”—which is, let’s face it, extremely triggering to some sufferers. There can still be a “higher power” in your life, but without the help of an understanding community, it can be an incredible struggle to find that power. To be with like-minded fellows is, in itself, the strength you are looking for.

—Erin M, Berkeley, CA USA
August 2019

I am 61 years old, and I’m soon to  celebrate five years in OA, free from sugar, binging, negative self-talk, and over 50 pounds (23 kg).

Even though therapists and doctors had recommended OA for over twenty-five years, I refused to consider a 12-step program. As an atheist, I would never be able to turn my will over to a higher power. Instead, I suffered and white-knuckled through many decades of diets, even one where I started to lose my hair from eating so few calories. When I finally admitted how crazy my life was, to the point where I felt nothing, not even my child, was more important than my next sugar fix, I knew OA was my last chance. My father had entered AA late in life and spent his last years sober. I thought that if he had been able to try 12-Step, then maybe I could too.

One night I finally checked the OA website and found a meeting I could go to the next day after work. I went to sleep very conflicted, resistant, and angry that I would have to stoop so low as 12-Step, and I wasn’t sure I would actually make it to a meeting. But, that night I had a dream, where my long gone and beloved grandmother held me and said, “I wish you loved yourself as much as I love you.” When I woke up, I knew I had to honor that dream, and so I decided to go to a meeting after work.

Unfortunately, the meeting I went to was a Big Book¹ study group. I didn’t understand why we were reading about alcoholics, and the patriarchic and religious language was a real turn off. I rushed out of that meeting convinced OA was not for me. Luckily, a woman caught up to me and said, “Try at least five other meetings before deciding if OA is right for you.” I was polite, but determined I would never come back. But, that night I had another dream where my car went off a cliff, and I was hovering above the rocky waters of the Northern California coast. I had a choice, I could either allow the car to crash into the sea, or I could choose to get back on the road. I chose the road, and when I woke up, I decided to stick with OA for five more meetings.

Luckily I live in the San Francisco Bay Area where there are lots of types of meetings, and I found some that were easier for me to attend, including speaker and the Freethinker meetings. I now attend three meetings a week, have been active in my Intergroup, sponsor two people, and belong to a Freethinker Step study group. I learned that I actually did have a higher power—sugar. Sobering up from that addiction has wiped the fog from my mind, and I can now access my subconscious inner voice more often during the day, and not just through my dreams.

—Jenne M, El Cerrito, CA USA
July 2020

¹ Alcoholics Anonymous: The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism (generally known as The Big Book because of the thickness of the paper used in the first edition) is a 1939 basic text, describing how to recover from alcoholism.

In the Big Book chapter “How It Works” there is a passage that reads: “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.” The reality is many, if not most, addicts don’t find reprieve in traditional 12-Step recovery, including myself at a time. Not all of us are constitutionally incapable of being honest with ourselves. We are not delusional or lacking rigor. In my case, I didn’t have the understanding, confidence or support to reconfigure the program in the ways necessary to make it work for me. Instead, I was told, as so often women and anyone who doesn’t fit the Anglo-hetero-male mold are, that I needed to conform myself to the framework some white dudes who believed in a He-pronouned God had divined a century prior. 

I attended my first Overeaters Anonymous (OA) meeting around age 24 at the suggestion of a therapist. After almost a decade of abusing drugs, I had gotten clean. But rather than seeking true recovery, I had simply swapped an illegal substance with one I could buy over the counter—food. In particular, sugary, starchy, fatty salty, highly addictive foods. Instead of getting high amid the camaraderie of other addicts, I began binging alone in my house with the TV serving as my most trusted companion. I wandered into OA lost and desperate and willing to do whatever I was told, including working the Steps with a sponsor. For reasons related and unrelated to the program, I never achieved any lasting abstinence or experienced a spiritual awakening and within a few years fell away, as too many do. 

Over the following decade, my external life continued to march forward, passing by all the milestones that signaled to the world I was a functioning adult. Though, behind the charade, I remained stuck in the food. I didn’t have the consequences that followed alcohol and drug binges, but the dissonance of knowing that I wasn’t living in alignment with my values or pursuing my potential was enough to slowly corrode my soul. I studied addiction, reading books, attending seminars and working with treatment professionals. None of it brought sustained relief from compulsive eating, but it did give me the context to understand why 12-Step works, how it rewires neural pathways by creating new habit loops and infuses members with a deeper purpose and meaning in their lives. And I knew OA worked. I had seen it in the rooms. 

At 33, again demoralized and desperate, I went searching for a local OA meeting, which is when I found the Freethinkers, a secular group in the San Francisco Bay Area. For the first time, I am able to be part of a community pursuing recovery through willingness, personal accountability and service to others without bending my integrity to allow for the blatant patriarchy perpetuated in 12-Step literature or doing mental gymnastics to circumvent the Judeo-Christian theology. Yet, listening to those who have long-term abstinence speak at meetings has given me a faith that science and psychology could not. The relationships with other fellows have become a lifeline, slowly reeling me back from the depths of food addiction.

Many who do not believe in a dualistic capital-G “God” or grey-bearded sky wizard granting wishes from the clouds, choose to conceptualize a higher power that they can relate to. For some, it’s OA as a whole, or a universal spirit, or a higher self guiding through intuition. I remove the higher power notion completely. Step Two, for me, is about coming to believe that recovery is possible. I do that by going to meetings, talking to fellows and bearing witness to transformation in real-time. Step Three is when I decide that recovery is worth all the hard, uncomfortable change that it requires. It is the willingness to do something other than what I’ve been doing, to open myself up to the guidance of those who have trudged the path before me. It is when I commit to put my recovery before all else. In Step Six I become willing to let go of the behaviors that are standing in the way between me and recovery, particularly my usefulness to others, and through Step Seven I develop and put into action a plan to modify those unhelpful habits developed not just over my lifetime but an entire ancestral lineage. Step Eleven is about learning to pause. Daily meditation lets me observe emotions and thoughts. Instead of reacting to life, I practice responding with skill and intention. 

In my experience, OA is not a one-size-fits-all antidote to food addiction. I have not been struck abstinent by working the steps and utilizing the tools. But the program and even more so the people have empowered me to embark on a personal journey toward healing. One day at a time, we carry on.

—Meghan W, Oakland, CA USA
August 2020

My Higher Power has a Higher Power (Carol G)

Measurements

Que Pasa, California?
Lightening and fire
Pandemia
What more challenges?
Come on show your face!

Worrisome signs 
At 2 am outside
Light flashes inches
From my window, a
Giant flare
Frozen

Some hours later
In the kitchen
I am struggling with
The elusive “single serving”
While outside
The world moves
Oblivious to such minutia

The winds crack and fall

I am only 5 feet tall
But a cup seems to me
Awfully small
A handful, puny

Taste that does not linger

I could eat more
Taller than me
I could eat 
Hot mountains and
Grape fields

I could eat fire
I could eat eternity

Or 

I could shut up
And eat a cup
And watch

The low sun struggle
In defiance
Breaking the gray 
Plumes
In the sky

Nancy P, September 2020, Oakland, CA